Week 4 Results
Boy, my weekend high of watching Dabo lose embarrassingly for the 2nd time this season was almost ruined on Sunday…ALMOST. Nobody loses like the Lions man, and I mean nobody. We have quite literally done it all.
Here is an unfinished list just off the top of my head.
Game-winning catch by Megatron overturned due to wrong interpretation of rule. Lions lose. New catch rule created.
Lose due to new catch rule being incorrectly applied to a game-winning catch.
Hail Mary from Aaron Rodgers after phantom facemask call.
Phantom PI call costs a playoff run
2 Incorrect Hands to the Face calls cost Division lead on MNF against Packers
Career Long 61 yard Field Goal by Justin Tucker. Lions lose.
Challenge debacle on Thanksgiving give Texans a free TD. Lions lose.
Seahawks illegally bat ball out of endzone to win game. Lions lose.
Inconclusive game-winning TD by Golden Tate overturned by booth review. 10 second runoff ends game. Lions lose.
NFL Record 63 yard FG. Lions lose.
NFL Record 66 yard FG bounces off bottom crossbar and in. Lions lose.
I could literally go on for so much longer, but all of my face’s blood vessels have burst, brb.
***
Let’s move on to happier topics!
The Buckeyes looked much more like themselves against the Zips, thank god. After a few rocky minutes in the 1st Quarter, Ohio State walloped Akron. Trey Henderson is the bogyman in the open field. Also, “fucc ohio state” is absolutely becoming a meme.
MSU ruined Scott Frost Day in one of the strangest games I’ve watched this year. Who wanted to win? Nobody, it seemed. Especially not MSU’s offense. Maybe they should play Youngstown again.
Michigan lost me money because they let fucking Rutgers (RUTGERS!!) hang around. They also forgot that you’re supposed to play offense for 2 halves instead of just 1.
Penn State completed the sacred Fetty Wapping. Thank you, brothers.
Chips almost got dipped, etc.
Western beat the other Spartans in very convincing fashion.
Grand Valley won by 20+ for the 3rd week in a row. They also have the best jerseys of any team in Michigan. Fight me.
NFL TIME
Your Cleveland Browns salted the earth in Chicago. I mean they butchered the Bears. As you may have seen, Justin Tucker’s kick was 19 yards longer than what the Bears could muster on offense. I betrayed the Browns for the Bears, and this is what happened. God may not be vindictive, but He is just. Also those uniforms were SEXY.
The Steelers will not win another game with Ben Roethlisberger as their QB. He is ground beef on stilts. That body is looking flimsier than his defense statements in court. I know he doesn’t like to, but it’s time to wrap it up.
We all know what happened to the Lions.
RESULTS
Hey Siri, we’re good at this right?
I get to pick a prize for myself? Your Week 4 winner is
Matthew
With the help of The Big Huge, I won $0.72! Back in the Top 3 as well. I’m here for real this season. Watch yourselves.
In 2nd is Kait! She finished with $0.47! That fresh mountain air must have helped her this weekend.
In 3rd is Jonny! He won $0.07. His new friend Rog loves to collude, so I’m keeping an eye on you mister.
In 4th is Nick! He got half of his question right this week!! But finished with -$0.04 lol. Sorry man.
In 5th is Kevin! He lost $0.18 and slipped to 4th overall. Still Top 5 though.
In 6th is Christopher! He lost $0.28. He’s still washing the stink of Green Bay off of him though so he’ll be back.
In 7th is Sully! He lost $0.52, but became marginally Twitter famous and BROWNS. So he’s fine.
In Last Place (again) is Benj! He lost $0.55, but still holds the most correct answers for the season. Oh and he’s still in 8th overall lmao. Guy can’t catch a break.
***
Let’s make Week 5 better! Ohio State plays RUTGAHS in New Jersey (ew). Michigan travels to Wisconsin to play the Badgers. First big test, but Wisconsin sucks so we’ll see what happens. I predict a 7-6 final score. The Hilltoppers are hosted by MSU, and hopefully MSU scores on offense. Penn State plays Indiana and their black magic. Will Penix (some say Picksit) pull this one out as well?
Results are below.
| Rank | Team | W | L | T | $$ |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 |  |
3 | 7 | 0 | $0.72 |
| 2 |  |
3 | 7 | 0 | $0.47 |
| 3 |  |
2 | 8 | 0 | $0.07 |
| 4 |  |
5 | 5 | 0 | -$0.04 |
| 5 |  |
3 | 7 | 0 | -$0.18 |
| 6 |  |
2 | 8 | 0 | -$0.28 |
| 7 |  |
2 | 8 | 0 | -$0.52 |
| 8 |  |
2 | 8 | 0 | -$0.55 |
