Week 2 (Hard Knocks Edition)
Written By: Co-Commissioner Kait McDougal
It’s Saturday, it’s 75, the sun is shining, and there’s a light breeze with the sweet smell of cow manure drifting through the air. That’s right, CFB is BACK IN STATE COLLEGE. While others are gearing up for a morning shift of tailgating, I will be inside Beaver Stadium babysitting some tour guides who are trying to convince a bunch of 3 star recruits that Happy Valley is the greatest place on earth. We are?
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Penn State is back in action against Ohio. Or, as I will be explaining to half of my friends, not Ohio State. To do so effectively, I have prepared some descriptors:
the green one
Joe Burrow
where Nick puked on his dad’s hat
the grad school choice that would have made Jonny break up with me
The Nittany Lions are favored by 25.5, which is awesome because if we win by 26, Sean Clifford said we get to riot in the streets again.
The Buckeyes host the Arkansas State Red Wolves. Both teams boast a 1-0 record, state-funded status, and prideful school colors. Beyond that, the two don’t have much in common, but it’s all about how they’ll match up on the field. Can CJ Stroud and company be stopped? If the Irish couldn’t crack the nut, I’m not sure that the guys without opposable thumbs can.
Harbaugh must hate his football program, because this week the Wolverines host Hawai’i in Ann Arbor. Really, Jim? At least give your guys a trip to Honolulu and do some team building exercises on the beach. Cade McNamara could use some of that.
Akron zips to East Lansing this week to clash with Sparty. After breaking the Broncos, hopefully MSU has gotten the rest they need to fight with fresh fists, because this time they’ll be boxing with kangaroos.
NFL x WTS Bets
*cue Carrie Underwood* because the NFL is officially back!!!! Your Detroit Lions and Benj’s Aidan Hutchinson will meet the Eagles. It’s tough cheering for a U of M alum, but I can do it when Philadelphia sports are involved. The Steelers have named Mitch Trubisky QB1 and I feel indifferent. I will feel better about it if he burns the city of Cincinnati to the ground this Sunday. Elsewhere in Ohio, Deshaun Watson will be watching the Browns visit the Panthers and *checks notes* Baker Mayfield?? This is gonna get interesting, folks.
