Week 5 (Past Due Edition)
Being in quarantine gives you a lot of time to think. You have time to ponder life’s great mysteries such as: Are pizza rolls just Italian gushers? Why didn’t the hobbits fly on the eagles to mount doom? How has Michigan not won a Big Ten title in almost 18 years? (never mind that’s not a mystery).
I am on day 2 of this isolation thing and I am not a fan. So I will dwell on my sports teams to lift my spirits! Michigan is 4-0 for the first time in awhile and they have a powerful run game. I’m excited. They looked a little shaky against Rutgers but I am going to ignore that and count my blessings.
We have some *exciting* matchups this weekend! Michigan takes on a very bad looking Wisconsin, but it will be in Madison. You want to know the last time U of M won at Camp Randall?
Let me paint you a picture.
The iPhone wasn’t invented yet
No Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or Youtube
People were still using AIM (the OG),
Jonathan was 5
Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings were the highest grossing movies (duh).
“I’m real” By J-lo ft. Ja Rule was #1 on the Billboard top 40
That’s right. 20 years. TWENTY. I am praying that Graham Mertz can pull a Graham Mertz and the Wolverines pull this one out.
The not-top-ten-anymore Buckeyes and their screen door of a defense take on the aforementioned Rutgers. Rutgers has a pretty stellar running back and...that’s it. Will OSU score more than 20 points against the Scarlet Knights? Greg Schiano is coming for you.
The other undefeated team in Michigan (The one that matters, Matthew. No one cares about GVSU) takes on a slightly pesky Western Kentucky. The Hilltoppers are looking to upset the Fighting Mel Tuckers. All might not end up being so well on the western front.
Penn State plays Indiana in what I am sure will end up being a giant bag of Penix.
CMU travels to tropical Miami (OH) to face the Redhawks. Maybe play better this week, Chips. Think of Kevin’s heart. He has a child for crying out loud. Western Michigan coming off a strong win against San Jose State plays the sad buffalo bulls who barely squeaked out a win against Justin Verlander’s school last week.
NFL x WTS Bets
The Lions play the Bears this Sunday for the “Who can play worst” crown and I am sure it will not be Chicago. Lord, beer me strength.
The BROWNS take on the *insert Joe Biden video here* Vikings and Matthew will be wearing his brand new and v comfy sweatshirt to try to regain Sully’s love. Hope you guys work it out.
The Steelers and their geriatric QB take on Señor Cheesehead and the Green Bay Refs. Watch out for those hands to the face calls.
Stay in school, kids. Don’t get COVID.
