Week 7 (72 Hours From Moo to You Edition)
Uh oh it’s the first week of real consequence in the Big Ten! Also we are halfway through our season already lol where has the time gone?
Doesn’t matter because the only time that matters is the present!!! And the present has Penn State vs Michigan!!! This is a Pro-Penn State space so we are doing a whole PSU Preview!
I mean do we even need to spell out how much better Penn Sate is than Michigan?? It’s so obvious.
For starters, I have no idea what’s happening when I go to Ann Arbor. Is it a garden full of women named Ann? Is it just a single lady who rules over everyone? So confusing. But then we have State College. What’s there? A state college. Boom. Simple, smart, preps you for what you’ll experience.
Penn State was founded as the Farmer's High School of Pennsylvania. Very cool. Michigan was founded as Catholepistemiad. What the fuck?
Penn State has a Creamery that utilizes their own cows and it only takes 3 days to go from cow to cone. “Seventy-Two hours from Moo to You.” Fucking awesome. Michigan doesn’t even own a single cow. Losers.
Notable Penn State alumni include Keegan-Michael Key, Joe Jonas, and the fucking Hulk. THE HULK. Michigan has a bunch of serial killers, and terrorists. They literally have an alumni section labelled “Criminals, murderers, and infamous newsmakers.”
THE HULK!!
Penn State has a glorious chrome fixture praising their resilient motto. Michigan has a gross old “M” in a sidewalk somewhere where it get’s trampled all day. Ew.
Penn State has the 2nd largest dorm in the world with over 4,000 beds. Michigan continues to build expensive apartments. Penn State clearly cares about the people more than those hoity toity “Michigan Men” *shivers*
I could very easily go on and on about how my second favorite valley school is so much better than a school in a quadrangle or whatever. So for now, we will rest. But I think I made my point.
Also, the Nittany Lion is way scarier than a wolverine.
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just surrender the ice cream and don’t look him in the eyes
SHOWTIME
YOUR #2 GRAND VALLEY STATE UNIVERSITY LAKERS (ANCHOR UP!!) travel to Big Rapids (disgusting) to face off against the #1 Ferris State Bulldogs. Can we actually get past Ferris?? Will our coach (who isn’t Brian Kelly :/) finally get his head out of his ass? If GV can actually win on Saturday, we have a super good chance of winning the National Championship.
RISE, DARK LOUIE YOUR TIME HAS COME
Ohio State is on a bye. Teach your DBs how to finish plays during this week please!!
Western is back at home to play Ohio and I’m not sure you could pay me to watch this one.
Also Central be doin somethin.
Michigan State continues their homestand against Wisconsin at 4pm on Fox. Somehow MSU has created some sort of football-induced radiation poisoning where the closer you get to Spartan Stadium, the more you just continue to SLAM your fist into your nuts until you pass out. Anyway, Go Green!!
The aforementioned Game of The Century of the Week kicks off at noon and is once again Fox’s BIG NOON!!
It’s the battle of the cartoon character head coaches! Who’s more animated? Who will have more sideline warnings? Who will yell at the refs more??
This game honestly feels a bit trappy, but could also be a game where Jimmy Franks blows it big time. I still think it’ll be close though because Harbaugh and Franklin are a combined 5-27 against Top 10 opponents 😭😭 something’s gotta give here.
NFL x WTS Bets
Mercifully, the Lions are also on bye this week. My outlook is back down to where it was before Hard Knocks. I really like our coaches, and some of our players, but felt this season wasn’t going to be that good. Hopefully Brad Holmes can get us a few more NFL players on defense for next year. My boys are dying out there.
The Shittsburgh Stinkers (I came up with that all on my own) host the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and boy I feel nauseous all of a sudden.
The unstoppable Cleveland Browns host the comedic New England Patriots. Browns by 100 with the Patriots looking abhorrent. Because of course they will, after looking like The Greatest Show On Turf against the Lions.
