Week 3 (Pretend Edition)
What’s the most awkward corporate encounter you have had? Have you even had one? Well today I had a meeting facilitated by a colleague of mine to introduce their new analyst who would be working closely with me to improve [REDACTED]. I think, “No problem! I love meeting new people, and making intros.” They are some of my favorite meetings! I cheerfully join the Teams call, hearing them chat to each other, I turn on my camera.
I freeze.
I feel my neck and chest get red hot (thank god I was wearing a hoodie).
My new analyst is my ex’s college roommate whose college boyfriend I fought.
I won btw.
Hopefully she doesn’t remember me. I did my best to pretend I didn’t know her.
***
F with me
The Auburn Tigers are also pretending. Pretending they don’t have a lame duck coach, and a dumpster fire raging inside their administrative offices.
They host the less-than-toothless Nittany Lions (RESPECT THEIR RANKING!!). Can Sean Clifford outrun his psoriasis? Will the cursed magic of Auburn’s campus cause more chaos than usual? Just IMAGINE if they still had Bo Nix for this game.
Michigan hosts UConn. UCONN! UCONN????
MSU travels to Big Ten Country to take on the Washington Huskies, and they’re favored to lose?? If this was a Mark Dantonio led team, this kind of DISRESPECT would ignite such a fiery and dominant performance that the Spartans would maybe go so far as to score 17 points!! But it’s not, so they’ll actually play good 21st century football. I got Sparty.
Finally, your Ohio State Buckeyes host the Toledo Rockets under the lights of The Shoe. Why is it at night? Idk, maybe to make it slightly more interesting? How are we feeling Buckeye Nation?? Pretty good since it’s another excuse to crack a cold one.
My Face When
NFL x WTS Bets
“Oh BROTHER, this [slate of NFL games] STINKS”
I mean this Week 2 lineup for our teams is downright ghastly. The Commanders and 🤢 Carson Wentz 🤢 play the Lions and we better win by 50. Former Lions Head Coach and [Redacted by the Request of My Attorney], brings his dumbass Patriots offense to the Steel City. I predict 326 Turnovers by Mac Jones. Elsewhere in the Rust Belt, the Browns host another dog in Zach Wilson, and the Jets. Normally a Chubb gets the better of him, so will this Sunday also be the case?
