Dec 15

Dec 15 Week 13 Results

Quarantine has made me realize a few things.

I am very bad at drawing
Bailey’s is completely overrated
Screaming off your balcony is good for stress relief, but bad for looking sane

Sanity is one thing that has been completely disassociated with the Big Ten for quite a while, and I don’t see it coming back. Penn State lit up MSU like they were a couch in East Lansing. U of M’s season is now completely over, minus a pointless bowl game. The rightful Championship Game is now between a 2 loss Northwestern and a 3-5 Penn State. Also, most of next week’s games are cancelled and will not be rescheduled due to poor planning. And they don’t believe that we are the Ivy League of the Midwest. Come on.

The All-Big Ten Teams were announced today, and Justin Fields now joins Braxton Miller as the only other Ohio State QB to win the award in back-to-back seasons. Also the QB award is 10 years old and an OSU QB has now won it 8 times. If that were Jim Harbaugh’s record, he’d get a lifetime extension. They should give it to him anyway, in my honest opinion.

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This week in the NFL:

There have been enough shitty Lamar Jackson jokes over the past 24 hours, that I don’t need to go over what happened in The Game of the Century of the Week. Not only did Lamar desecrate Baker’s bathroom that he most fervently cares for, but he and noted sentient Greek statue JK Dobbins stole a W from the meaty, meaty forearms of Nick Chubb and the Browns. What’s that smell? Is it the Ravens’ locker room or the Cuyahoga?

Speaking of shit, Ben Roethlisberger am I right?

Watching Aaron Rodgers play the Lions is like getting repeatedly punched in the sternum. You can see it happening, you know it’s gonna hurt terribly, and yet you’re surprised with how bad it hurts every single time. And then the refs are standing next you spitting lemon juice in your eyes. Thanks guys, glad you’re here.

In the theme of Christmas, Week 13 was littered with the colors red and green. It’s the season of giving, and boy did some people give. I am astonished by your generosity Christopher, thank you.

Your Week 13 winner is:

J-Dog Nasty

It’s only fitting that Jonathan all but wrapped up the Season 4 Championship on the weekend The Crew won the MLS title. Columbus is only for winners after all. Jonny won $1.51, and I’d like a few shots of 151 to forget this year.

In 2nd is Benj!! He had the anti-Harbaugh week (he got a result he wanted)! He won a whopping $0.72! He is in great position for the postseason. <insert tired U of M bowl joke here>.

In 3rd is Matthew! He won $0.29! Don’t look now but he has moved from 7th to 5th in just 2 weeks. Can I make the Top 3 again? It’s about as likely as Dabo Swinney realizing he should shut his mouth.

In 4th is the former roommate of Jonathan, Sully! He had a horrific start, but ended up only losing $0.05. The Browns had the exact same weekend. Coincidence?

In 5th is Kait! She lost $0.11, and her beloved Steelers lost their playoff bye. The heat seems to bounce off of her, so I think she’ll be fine. But just in case, she should summon the power of Eric Ebron’s hands because everything bounces off those things.

In 6th is Kevin! His name this week incorrectly stated where he sat in the rankings. He is not last, he is 2nd to last. Just like this week. Kevin lost $0.26

In last is Christopher. He was too busy dreaming of a PS5 to submit his bets again. He lost $0.45.

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It’s B1G Championship Week!! Will Ohio State win by 20, 30, or 4? We will find out! Northwestern has very Rich Town Cop energy, and that makes them insufferable. Time to give them the 2014 Wisconsin Treatment™ and roll into the CFP with a huge chip on our shoulders.

Results are below.