Sep 23

Sep 23 Week 4 Results

This post is brought to you by the DETROIT MOTHAFUCKIN’ TIGERS BITCH!!

The Gritty Tigs have gone from largely irrelevant to the hottest team in baseball!! 10 games back from the Wild Card at the start of August, to now in controlling position by 1 game! They might do it. They might actually make the playoffs. I really hope they do. I’ll be a bit heartbroken if they don’t. But I haven’t had this feeling in my life in literally 8 years (if not more tbh), so I appreciate them for giving us something to cheer for again. This is making me want to go to Buffalo Wild Wings on West Saginaw, grab a tall Coors Light and a basket of lemon pepper wings with the fellas and scream while watching our Tigers from 25 different angles.

THE RUNDOWN

Ok, so I am writing this off the top of my dome on Saturday night, because what I watched earlier in the day was a bit frustrating (a nice cool can of cbd seltzer is calling my name).

First, props to Michigan for finding a way to win. That’s what good teams do. Mullings is easily their best player on offense and won them this game. The defense still looks stout and Will Johnson also saved them. But, dude…Lincoln Riley. Holy choke job. You will never beat the charges, nor will you win anything of substance in your life. Michigan fans love to call Ryan Day “soft”, or “fraudulent”, or whatever. What they think of Day is who Riley actually is. Just incredibly fake. Finally, can Michigan macgyver an offense that won’t be totally impotent against their toughest competition? I don’t know.

Ohio State won comfortably, but surprise surprise I have a complaint. Defense played ridiculously uninspired for the first half, and they were rotating a million guys for no reason. Our D Line just isn’t what they were recruited to be. No real fire off the edge. We need to fix that somehow. However, the offense was incredible, and honestly the scariest I’ve seen it in quite a while. How do you stop all of the options we have? The positive spin on this is as such: We have a lot to improve on for both sides of the ball, and yet we won extremely easily. What will this team look like after a few more weeks of improvement and playing stiffer competition? I hope like a juggernaut.

You want Loony Tunes? Just watch CMU play football this year. I was almost right on my prediction from the preview as well lmfao. Good job hanging on though, Chips. Y’all make for a fun watch if you aren’t a fan of the team. Kevin, your new team is Indiana. Go Hoosiers.

MSU, you had it man. It really felt like Twenty Teens MSU was yelling to be freed from The Sunken Place during this game. A rainy away game; a salty defense; incredibly long and drawn out TD drives; playing like your opponent is a brick wall for no reason. Massive Dantonio energy. Those Spartans are still in there somewhere. Begging to come out.

GVSU won on Family Day. I don’t have friends, I have family.

North Carolina…..uh……

I am waiting. Waiting patiently for our first FRANKLINING of the year. Soon……soon.

NFL

Lions are back in the Winner’s Circle! Marv did not really hurt us cuz Kyler was just yeeting that thing every chance he got. Need 4 yards? How about a 40 yard bomb? Need 7? Watch me throw this ball over the mountains. Thanks Kyler, your bad-ass toddler energy really helped us in the clutch. Also, hoping our 52 injuries during this game come to nothing significant. I do not want our roster to be 3 toothpicks and a bag of fritos in only Week 5.

PANTHERS WON??? #KEEPPOUNDING!! Andy Dalton the Crimson Commander! The Red Scare! The Red Rider BB Gun (thanks for this, Kevin)! Was it all Bryce Young’s fault? Maybe lol. Sometimes it’s the QB and sometimes it’s the situation…oh hey Caleb?? Congrats Panthers, Kenneth, and most importantly, Sir Purr.

I would also like to give a shoutout to Justin Fields aka JF2 for escaping Chicago and BALLING in the Steel City. Go ‘Lers.

RESULTS

And on Arthur Blank Weekend too!!

Your Week 4 winner is:

Christopher

Christopher wasn’t there to celebrate Mr. Blank with free dogs and drinks. But he’s here to celebrate himself and a wildly successful start to his season!! He went 7-3 and won $1.31!

In 2nd is Benj! He was barely treading water, but then hit the Big Huge! He is not Lincoln Riley. He went 6-4 and won $1.05!

In 3rd is Me!! Another terrible week of betting, but it doesn’t matter when you got Emeka 😎. I went 3-7 and won $0.71.

In 4th is Kenneth! Huge rebound week for the basketball boy! Now, can his team follow his lead? Cuz woof. He went 6-4 and won $0.54!

In 5th is Jonny! Like the OSU defense, it didn’t look like he was trying very hard but he still won. Is effort overrated? He went 4-6 and won $0.47.

In 6th is Nick! Almost the perfectly average week. Give and take, with a little more take than give. Just like Boston College. He went 5-5 and won $0.07.

🚨 WARNING! AIDAN CHILES AWARENESS ZONE AHEAD!! PROCEED WITH EXTREME CAUTION! 🚨

In 7th is Ethan. He decided being average was boring, so he’s trying out being bad. Good choice! He went 4-6 and lost $0.12.

In 8th is Kevin. My brotha………my brotha. He went 3-7 and lost $0.38.

***

East Lansing, hello. The Buckeyes are back in the 517 and that might also be their point total this week!! Michigan hosts the Gophers. It’s the woodchoppers versus the vicious murderers! And we are on high alert for a Franklining!! #19 Illinois faces #9 Penn State at night in a White Out!!! What could go wrong?? Also, it’s rivalry week for UNC/Duke?? No, your law school sucks!!!!

Big, no dare I say, Huge week ahead!!

Results are below!