Season 7 Week 1 (Revitalized Edition)
Oh…hey there friend.
I didn’t see you walk in.
Welcome back. It’s been a long time. You look a little tired.
I know just the trick, here take this.
Feel better?
Good, I thought so. Works like a charm :)
***
We’re officially back, folks.
The offseason happens every year, but never gets easier. But fear not! The season is finally here and we can disassociate from real life on Saturdays for 4.5 consecutive months again!! Huzzah!
Thank you once again for coming back to read this gibberish of an insane person. And also betting on this insane person’s questions. But hey at least you’ll (maybe) (unclear) (potentially never) get a prize 5 weeks too late.
Nothing makes me more excited than prepping the league for each new season, and sharing in the highs and lows of the season with y’all. And this year is predicted to be THE most consequential season for all of our favorite teams at once! How can that be? Well, none of us root for Nebraska, Northwestern, nor Purdue. So, each season has high expectations and (maybe soon again MSU) a trophy at the end.
MFW Football
LET THE SEASON COMMENCE
Ok I KNOW IT’S A WEEK EARLY BUT I CAN’T CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT!!!
I want to get this season started already. So, even though we aren’t betting on games during Week 0, I am releasing the Week 1 preview 3 days early! You’re welcome. Now you guys will have a few extra days to ignore my post. Friday Night between midnight and 2AM are the REAL WAGER HOURS anyway so I get it.
Let’s get loose y’all. Cheers.
Week 1
We start the season with some beautiful, wonderful, handsome, stable MACTION! Toot those horns! Grab those reins! Hide your (very low grade) coke bags! It’s Broncos time! Western and their (almost nightmarish) roster look to get off to a hot start and stack the good early on in the season when they host Saint Francis! Their namesake may be the caretaker of animals and wildlife. But, they're going to need a caretaker of their own after Buster puts ‘em on life support this Thursday!!! Will this game be close? Neigh, motherfuck.
On Friday, we have the Shark Fuckers versus the Wood Choppers/Deep Enders/Shadow Dwellers (all right I get it). Not sure how CMU is going to do this year, but MSU needs to win at least 8 games this year to feel even a slight amount better about those Mel Millions. Upset alert? Not out of the question. Fire Up (those anti-depressants).
Next, on THE COCK, National Champion favorite Michigan (oh dear god) and their interim head coach (who for sure won’t just be Jim Harbaugh in some goofy glasses and a beard) host East Carolina. How will Michigan fair without their anchor on the sideline? About as well as the 2nd half of The Game last year. Laughably, irritatingly well. But it’s also ECU. My dog could put on that headset and the Wolverines would still win by 50. Actually, wait, do that. It would be cute. He and Jim have the same smile anyway. Also, hope Blake Corum is fully healthy. He deserves to get paid at the NFL level.
Moving along. MercyMe. I just cannot believe it. A Head Football Coach (in the Big Ten!!!) chose them as their favorite band. Wow. Soft. But also very apt. As it’s what the Hoosiers should be saying to the outrageously confident Ohio State defense as well. Lots and lots of rumblings coming out of camp that the Silver Bullets are back. And no Benj, they were not saying similar things this time last year. We have another #97 ready to party at EDGE. Who will be our QB? Who cares? They’re going to throw for a bazillion yards no matter what thanks to Real Life Alien (and 2023 Heisman Trophy Winner) Marvin Harrison Jr. Remember the name Sonny Styles as well.
Finally, at 7:30 on Saturday, we have the [OVERPLAYED KAIT JOKE] Bowl!! Penn State is looking mighty scary coming into the year. They may have the best Running Back in the nation, the best Edge Rusher in the nation, and the best Cornerback in the nation. The Mountaineers do not stand a chance in this one lol Chop is going to have 11 sacks in this game alone. But also, can PSU beat Michigan this year? Yes. Can they beat OSU this year? Yes. Could they also beat themselves a few times this year? Yes. Good luck James. This is it.
THAT’S IT!!
WELCOME TO THE NEW SEASON!
BEST OF LUCK TO EVERYONE OUT THERE. HAVE FUN, PLAY FAIR, AND GO BUCKS (or whichever team you root for)
