I have said previously that getting tied up in knots about Fall Weddings is baby stuff. Be an adult, and go support your friends and family. HOWEVER, I am going to a wedding where my last interactions with some folks in attendance were the worst things imaginable (2015-16 was tough for ya boy). So, for this wedding, I am very much in the camp of “I don’t want to go and miss OSU football.” Because it will likely be intensely awkward. Or it could be fine. Who knows. I’ll find out on Saturday at 4pm. I will be wearing a nice new sport coat, and will be driving a tricked out Dodge Durango so that could be fun too (thank you insurance??).

I will be making my escape as fast as possible still.

SHOWTIME

#3 Texas vs. #10 Michigan, Saturday BIG NOON on Fox

First up, it’s the game of the week! Ohio State Buckeye legend, Quinn Ewers brings the Longhorns to Ann Arbor to face the Wolverines and their meat grinder defense. Can Texas’s Offensive Line keep Kenneth Grant and Mason Graham in check? I would say no. Can Michigan’s DBs keep up with Texas’s WRs? I would say only 1 can. How will this game end? With Benjamin basically hyperventilating on his new, luxurious couch. Guaranteed. Hook ‘Em. Horns Down always though.

Michigan State vs. Maryland, Saturday 3:30 pm EST on BTN

This will certainly be a game. How much “football” and “action” will occur is up in the air. I’m looking for Aidan Chiles to take a step forward against a rather pedestrian Maryland defense. However, the way that O Line got pushed around last week does not inspire confidence. Will MSU’s defense have 2 good weeks in a row? Would that be the first time this has happened since the Dantonio era? Also, Aidan, please don’t make any more predictions.

Charlotte vs. North Carolina, Saturday 3:30 pm EST on ACC Network

Omarion Hampton versus half a healthy roster. Say goodnight. Nice one Biff.

Central Michigan vs. FIU, Saturday 6:00 pm EST on ESPN+

Excuse Me, you think you can just walk right into Pitbull Stadium and get a win?? That is both brash and brazen. I might be in the minority here, but I think CMU can actually do that. Will Kevin drink a little more than a few fingers of bourbon for good luck? Just for fun? Both? I support it either way cuz that’s what Chips can do and should do. Tonight, tomorrow, whenever. They stay ready.

Western Michigan vs. #2 Ohio State Buckeyes, Saturday 7:30 pm EST on BTN

Poor Buster. Poor, drug-addled, sleep deprived, no-hoof-having Buster. Getting paid to be a team’s whipping horse. At least your name is appropriate for this week. I expect no fewer than 2 Jeremiah Smith TDs, A Punt Return TD by Brandon Inniss, and a defense so smothering and overwhelming you’d think you were in a coal fire. Bucks by 50.

Central State vs. #4 Grand Valley, Thursday 7:30 pm EST

Your favorite D2 powerhouse is back in action (WITH NEW UNIFORMS) on Thursday night! GVSU hosts Central State, which sounds like a school made up for a movie or CW TV series. It’s 616 Night, and if we don’t win by that number, the season will already be a total loss. Bring that championship home, Lakers! It’s been 20 years! No pressure.

oh god all of my teams are under enormous pressure to win a ring this year. Surely it will all go well.

NFL x WTSBETS

Forward down the field,
A charging team that will not yield.
And when the Blue and Silver wave,
Stand and cheer the brave.
Rah, Rah, Rah.
Go hard, win the game.
With honor you will keep your fame.
Down the field and gain,
A Lion victory!

GOOOOOOO LIONS!!!

The Lions are back. The Blimes are prepped. The time is now. The Lions have Super Bowl hype?? Is this real life? Go back to even 2022 and I’d call you crazy. What a world we live in. But they might be the best team in the NFL. That’s a matter of opinion. What’s not is that they have THE best uniforms in the league. Hands down, no question. Go argue with a wall.

Our Boys in Blue kickoff their title run against the most poetic of all opponents: Matthew Stafford, his shiny teeth, and the LA Rams. Ford Field will likely register on the Richter Scale, and I’m sure is registered as “Unsafe” in Kelly Stafford’s Nextdoor app. Go Lions, baby. Let’s get violent.

The Panthers (a feline brother to our Lions) kickoff their run to .500 against the Saints. For Bryce Young’s sake let’s hope that Chase Young is truly washed. Otherwise, it will be a long day. Their favorite hashtag may be emblematic of his head to the ground if that line isn’t fixed. Here’s to a good start for the Panthers though! Shoutout Muhsin Muhammad!