Oh you thought you were going to have more than 24 hours to chill before the next week was released?? Well the Lord works in mysterious ways, and so does my schedule, buster.

Also, just gotta get this out there one more time before it’s over with:

DABO LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

JESUS SAID GIVE UP ALL OF YOUR POSSESSIONS AND I GOTTA HAND IT TO YA, YOU DID A GREAT JOB AT THAT ON MONDAY BUDDY

***

SHOWTIME

This week’s slate of games is BOOOOORINGGGGG. But it’s still football, and I still have High Lifes waiting for me in the fridge. The Lord’s gifts are ever appreciated, even if they were bottled in St. Louis.

All right first up, on BTN, we have Your THE Ohio State Buckeyes hosting their very favorite FCS school, Youngstown State. YSU has maybe the best mascot in football. The Penguins. You remember when their logo was a grumpy penguin wearing a scarf and a beanie? That was the best. What’s not the best is their town, their football team, nor their Admin since Jim Tressel retired. OSU will most likely look flawless in this game, and since it’s a FCS opponent, they’ll probably jump up a few spots in the AP Poll. No I’m not salty relax.

Next, it’s the Penn State Nittany Lions hosting Delaware! Now James…James!! Don’t be scared it’s ok. They only LOOK like Michigan. You can still coach good for this game ok? Yes I’ll hold your hand. You got this.

Then, at 3:30, Michigan hosts yet another extremely difficult, and dangerous opponent in UNLV. Can Michigan cover this time? Going against a team from Vegas I’d be a little worried some tomfoolery was going on. But, I’m sure they’ll have a better starting plan than last week. The (Big) House always wins.

Also apropos of nothing but I just started thinking about a heist movie spoof where Jim Harbaugh is stealing hamburgers from a big restaurant in Vegas, Oceans 11 style. I would watch the hell out of that. Who would be the Brad Pitt to his George Clooney? His brother is too obvious. Maybe Lane Kiffin?

Also at 3:30, it’s the very stable MSU Spartans hosting the Richmond Spiders. It’s a “get right” game for Michigan State. So lets see something, anything go right.

In the MAC! Central hosts New Hampshire and I could tell you less than nothing about this game. Chips win.

Western travels to Syracuse at 3:30, and the spread right now is only 24! Syracuse also LOOOOOVES to collapse against bad opponents in games they should win. So, I’d say the 1st quarter will be interesting and then you should go find something better to watch.

GVSU has their 1st home game of the year, and I’m not hopeful about how this season will go. Anchor Up.

Columbia (yes Columbia is included in the league this year) STILL won’t start their season this week. Their first game is on 9/16. I also think they play football on a lacrosse field. #EAT.

NFL x WTSBETS

THE NFL IS BACK AND YOUR DETROIT LIONS HAVE PRESEASON EXPECTATIONS!!!?????!!!!

MAN CAMPBELL
JARED GOOF
HUTCH
SUN GOD

THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL AGAINST THE GREATEST QB TO EVER GRACE A FIELD (debatable). LET’S JUST NOT EMBARRASS OURSELVES OK?? OK!!! ONE PRIDEEEEE

The Steelers also start their season this Sunday. Go ‘lers tehe