We are truly rolling into tailgate season with a vengeance over here in West Michigan. It’s been slightly cloudy, slight breezy, and about 68 degrees for multiple days in a row. The absolute perfect weather to day drink, and watch some ball.

That fall air is creeping in.

And so are my bad habits.

Squinty Bob vs Bobert.

SHOWTIME

It’s funny how we aren’t really adding new players, but we are somehow adding more and more schools. Almost too many. I can barely fit them all into our questions. But hey, variety/diversity/choice keeps things interesting. Do you want 1 Gatorade flavor or 50?

Exactly.

Okie doke cowpokes, first up on BIG NOON is Penn State vs. Illinois! The Nittany Lions’ first real-ish test of the year. Road game in the Big Ten against a pretty ok defense. Bert versus Jim Frank. Who has the better handshake?? Can Illinois not completely embarrass themselves this week? They need Kirby Joseph back.

Next, on ESPN+ (booooooo), Central faces off against the Fake Catholics and Touchdown Jesus! Will Notre Dame throw it all over the stadium again? Likely, yes. Also, Sam Hartman has one of the fullest and darkest beards I’ve ever seen on a guy his age. Ryan Day is very jealous.

Also on ESPN+ (god why do you test us), we welcome Columbia to the league lineup! I have no idea how good or bad they are! I know nothing about Ivy League football! I don’t know what to expect. What do I know exactly? Three things.

1. Kait works there

2. My friend’s brother just graduated there with a PhD in Nuclear Engineering

3. Spider-Man

#RoarLionsRoar

Later, at 3:30 Western travels to Iowa to EAT and have their team BEAT to shit by the hellish Iowa defense. Can the Ferentzes actually get to 25 points against our meager Broncos? I say no. But either way it’ll be hilarious to watch.

Then, at 4:00, YOUR THE OHIO STATE BUCKEYES host the Western Kentucky Hilltoppers. Can the Silver Bullets make a real appearance against a high-flying offense (only somewhat sarcastic)? Now that Kyle McCord is the full-time QB, can we PLEASE score some points now? I’d say scoring a lot of points is good, AND it’s fun. So why not guys, come on.

Also at 4:00, The Dantonio Spartans are back! What a celebration! The greatest coach in Michigan State history makes his return to the sideline just in time to face off against a surging Pac-12 team! Look no further into why he’s back! All is well! Go Green!

GVSU has a SOLD OUT (#AnchorUp) game versus Assumption at Lubbers Stadium. There’s no W in ASSUME. But there is ASS and the Lakers are about to whoop some tiny college tuckus.

Finally, at 7:30 for some reason, Michigan hosts Bowling Green at the Big House. This is why you guys got permanent lights, huh? Ok. This game will be 100-0 after 15 seconds.

NFL x WTSBETS

SKI MASK THE SUN GOD……(this is a good play on words if you know the rapper).

The Lions are looking to truly show they are to be feared this year when they take on the Seahawks! I would like to see JSN go off, and then the Lions win comfortably. Also, Lions, please, bring back your 90s Barry Sanders Era uniforms. I beg.

Steelers play the Browns on MNF. Will this be a good game?? Probably not, but I hope TJ Watt eviscerates The Nasty Man.