RING THE BELLS! SOUND THE ALARMS! HIDE YOUR FAMILIES! CHAOS HAS OVERWHELMED THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL WORLD AND WE ARE ALL IN DANGER!!

Week 2 needs to forever be known as Blood Week because it always seems to produce a thousand upsets, or crazy finishes. We must also honor our brave warriors for their sacrifice to the CFB Chaos gods:

🕯️Quinn Ewers’ Shoulder
🕯️Texas A&M’s 1 million traditions
🕯️The luck of the Irish
🕯️The Baptist Bears

and of course

🕯️
🕯️Scott Frost Day🕯️
🕯️

Our sweet Nebraska man is no more.

I feel like a ship without a sail. A church without a god. A corn without a cob.

****

Raise your hand if your team won this weekend! Now keep them raised if your team covered! Congrats MSU and PSU. You guys deserve a trophy!

Never mind, I regret saying that.

Anyway…

Your Ohio State Buckeyes cruised past some weird wolves at The Shoe. Nothing much of note, but Marvin Harrison Jr. is him. Period.

MSU destroyed, pummeled, embarrassed Akron 52-0 in East Lansing. What else Zips besides Akron? Body bags.

I honestly cannot believe Michigan allowed Hawaii to score. Maybe it was to be nice? Kinda like those scrimmage videos where a Make A Wish kid scores with the whole team cheering? It was probably like that.

Penn State’s offense treated the Ohio Bobcats defense like the State of Ohio treats Athens, Ohio: wholly abused them and then ignored the damage.

CMU bad.

Western good?

Elsewhere in the D2 world, GVSU sauntered past another Top 25 opponent. Yes we still have that bananas QB and yes he is going to lead us to greatness one “Fuck It and Chuck It” at a time.

NFL Time

I may have lost my voice, but I found hope. Ford Field was ROCKING on Sunday, and the Lions played their hearts out. If we had a better QB and maybe 1 better WR, we win that game. The Eagles are gonna be great so I am pleased with how we played overall. Oh, and Free Jefe.

Kait’s teams just WHOOPING Athens, OH this week my goodness. Joe Burrow was straight cheeks on Sunday, and Trubisky didn’t fuck it up. Go Steelers.

Baker’s not a bad guy. But he is a bad football player. *cue Lebron bopping to clown beat*

RESULTS

Baker Revenge Tour ruined? Who better to win this week as celebration than our very own Dawg!

Your Week 2 winner is:

Sully

A thoroughly dominant performance by Sully this week! He went 6-4 and won $1.08. Head and shoulders above the competition this week, just like in real life you lanky fuck.

In 2nd is Kait! Woah?!?! Kait in 2nd?? Color me SHOCKED. She had another great performance, racking up 5 W’s and winning $0.79!

In 3rd is Christopher! He hustled hard at the stadium and in the league this weekend 😤. He went 4-6 and won $0.63!

In 4th is Nick! I am hoping he didn’t lose his voice at the Lions game like I did. But if he did at least he has something to show for it. Nick went 3-7 and still won $0.60!

In 5th is Benjamin! Our Michigan Man™️©️®️ found his QB and his rhythm this week (concert went v well I heard). He went 2-8 and won $0.44.

In 6th is The Commish! Hoarse and hurting this week, I still doubled my win total from Week 1 #GrindCulture #ItsTheClimb. I went 2-8 and lost $0.16.

In Last Place is Kevin! Honestly dude idk anymore. I am just flat out impressed. Vibes still strong but the earnings are weak. What is life without faith though. Comeback starts now!! He went 2-8 and lost $0.37.

In Last Place also is Jonathan! This L is almost as fat as his bank account (may or may not be actually fat). He also went 2-8 and also lost $0.37.

***

Week 3 has MUCH better games, and we’re creeping ever closer to Spooky Season/SZN/Saison!!! Penn State vs. Auburn!! God that game will be something. Toledo vs. Ohio State (at night?????). And of course the main event, Pitt at Western! Giddy up young buck we’re getting serious.

Results are below!