I have now been sick for officially 7 days straight. Don’t ask me if I’m alright, hell naw.

I think my current state of health is the perfect representation for being a fan of most teams in the state of Michigan. There are some short windows of well-being, and life is good. But most of the time you’re just a walking bag of old soup with a leak in it. Feel nasty, look nasty, are nasty.

Go Green. Go Lions. Eat ‘em up.

***

SHOWTIME

We have a new league member! If you haven’t already, please give a warm welcome to our towering and talkative cousin, Ethan! He is an Engineer and recent graduate from Michigan Tech. And at this point I think he can out-lift me in the gym.

All right let’s get to the games!

First, on BIG NOON SATURDAY, we have THE Ohio State Buckeyes travelling to Jonny’s Safety School to take on the Northwestern Wildcats! This one’s gonna be gross, folks.

Next, at 3:30 PM EST, we have the juiced up Illinois Fighting Illini hosting a wounded and embarrassed MSU team. I might be sick but that Illinois defense is ILL.

The underrated, or maybe overrated, Penn State Nittany Lions head to Indiana to take on the Hoosiers. If you truly want to be disgusted by all aspects of a football game, I advise you to watch Indiana on Saturday. I mean good god are they terrible. And not an entertaining terrible like Iowa. They are a boring terrible.

We’ll just skip right over that MACTION from yesterday. However, way to go CMU! Your game actually resembled football in some way. Cannot say the same for Western. WMU has truly lost their luster. Time to fire Lester. *gets hit by tomato again*

Also at 3:30 is NUMBAH ONE GVSU vs. Wayne State. I will be attending this game (hopefully). And honestly I am so excited to see our QB chuck it 60 yards every play no matter what. He is the loosest of cannons.

Finally, at 4:30 (actually 7:30 but whatever leave me alone), is Michigan versus The Mafia’s Favorite Book Cookers, Rutgers. Who gets rolled up into a Persian rug by whom this Saturday evening? (I have a hunch).

NFL x WTS Bets

Hey man I don’t know if we really need to keep doing this.

Lions play the Ayahuasca Boys. What smells worse you think: Aaron Rodgers’s house, or a cheese curd production floor?

Browns and Steelers both on bye.