If you weren’t alive for your team’s last championship, is it possible to play like a champion? In Notre Dame’s case the answer is yes. Be below average but play the right way (wink wink), and be gifted championships. It’s like if mediocre, privileged white guys were a football team…..wait hold on a sec!?

I don’t think you can ask for a much better opening weekend than what we got! We had crazy finishes, dominant performances, a plethora of memes, and overall just good vibes. Plus all of our main rooting interests won!

Penn State escaped PETE and the black cauldron of West Lafayette. So glad Sean Clifford is rounding into form as he eclipses middle age.

Did you know that horses are actually very adept swimmers? No? Well Western forgot also as MSU drowned them in a flood of cliché mottos and points.

Central lost us wine so I have nothing further.

Michigan took care of business against a team made of duct tape, one scholarship, and a broken headset. I’d rather live in Fort Collins than Ann Arbor though.

Ohio State has a defense!! I repeat. Ohio State has a defense!! The Buckeyes had a slow start to the game, but Jim Knowles is 1/1 with his coaching so far this season, and I am very very excited.

RESULTS

I told y’all we were gonna get spicy, so we should’ve seen this coming!! Of course the man living next to the Chick-fil-A headquarters was gonna have an advantage.

Your Week 1 winner is:

Christopher

Even though he didn’t work the Chick-fil-A Kickoff this weekend, Christopher still had a pretty dang good kickoff to his season! He went 4-6 and won $0.89.

In 2nd is Jonny! Back in Columbus, and back to a top player. The more things change, the more they stay the same. He went 4-6 and won $0.84!

In 3rd is Kait! Thursday seemed quite difficult for her, but the bets this week were easy money. She went 5-5 and won $0.70.

In 4th is The Watcher aka The Sully. The Columbus energy clearly helped him as well, since he channeled his past success to go 4-6 and win $0.67!

In 5th is the Commissioner! Insert third place celebration meme here because I went 1-9 but still won $0.62. Am I Notre Dame???

In 6th is Nick! The Lord is giving him a tough battle this season because he went 6-4 (best record of the week) but still landed in 6th place winning $0.55.

In 7th is Benjamin! I think his attempts to bait people in the chat came back to bite him a bit. He had the second worst record this week, going 3-7 and winning $0.50. Be nicer Benj, karma is real!

In Last Place is Kevin. He’s just here for the vibes this week and I respect the fuck out of it. He went 4-6 and won $0.03. Still in the green (and white)!

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Week 2 is coming in hot with Arkansas State! Ohio? Hawaii…..Akron? Ok well we will still have fun. Plus it’s Bruewer v. McDougal just a regular game in State College!

Results are below!